THE ARTISTIC MATRIX OF MOTHERHOOD- The Limbo of Maintaining Your Responsibilities

MOTHERHOOD MATRIX-Clay Sculpture by Stephanie Strugar
Created 2018- For Sale $50 CAD. (Does not include shipping)

Being a mom is hard, and unfortunately there are only so many "self care" hours in a day to spend on painting when you have a toddler. So how does a mother remain an working Artist, and/ or Art Teacher after giving birth to her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd child? How does motherhood affect a mothers artistic style?

When I gave birth to my son me artistic style had a huge makeover. Suddenly, painting became about relieving stress, making a point, and doing both very efficiently.  Somehow in-between my toddlers 20 min-2hr naps I managed to get this done in the late hours of the night. It did not come at a cost, I sacrificed much needed sleep to remain an Artist with a newborn baby. It got a bit easier to paint personal pieces, or create working examples for my classes in the evenings once my toddler got older, but I still did not have the relaxing luxury I did pre-baby of boiling some tea and painting till I fell asleep.

Many times I had to stop what I was working on to take care of my son, or did not get a chance to "space out" my work and had to pull an almost all nighter to meet my deadlines for various projects I was working on. Painting was very stressful sometimes, and even felt a bit selfish or the very opposite of self care to me. This is because women are told contradictory messages ALL THE TIME in media. From "put yourself 1st to be the best mom", or "you are  a mom know, kids come first." Many times myself and other artist mothers are told to focus our efforts on "real careers" that "put money on the table and contribute to the household", all of which we ARE doing folks! This mom-shaming gets in our heads, and can make our work feel invalid, un-relevant when mom shame clouds drop by. Painting not only helped my brain re focus, but it also gave me healthy adult socialization time when working as an artist teacher. Painting helped me maintain my identity, and self worth outside of my image as a motherhood, and I have back refreshed and happy to take on another day of diaper changing and cuddling of my newborn. I went back to work 2.5 months after he was born.

Between squeezing into your "pre-baby" casual dress clothes to go teach a class, to come home and switch into your "frumpy mummy" clothes, to putting your kid to bed and changing into your "painting pajamas" I felt I was playing multiple roles in the "play" of my life. Meaning, women are told not to talk about our children when working, and furthermore "how dare we work if our children are at home and we are there with them." Many times we are told if the agent booking us to teach or commission works knew we had children they would not book our work because "our plate is full, and we have better things to do with our children."

These types of comments are harmful, and not okay. Being an artist IS a profession, regardless of if a mother has kids or not. It is NO ONE's place to tell a woman what she can or can not do with her time. Furthermore a Artist Mother IS contributing to her home, and IS NOT neglecting her children. Stop asking "where is your child now?" As if she has left him alone in some wild bush jungle, or he is currently swallowing whole crayons while she paints a Picasso. This is ridiculous! I love returning the question whole watching people awkwardly not answer, because it is obviously an in-appropriate thing to say. Not all mothers have the luxury of full time nanny's, daycares, etc, and whatever a mother is or is not doing inside and outside of her home is non of your business. But to assume your way of parenting is better, or that she is somehow neglecting her children in pursuit of her artistic career is just plain ridiculous, like honestly we are not in the 1950's people.

My advice to people working with artist mothers is, do not force conversation on them about their children. Sometimes they need a literal mental and emotional break from that very topic, and you bringing it up may trigger a host of emotions they are not ready to and do not have to share with you.  Feel free to give your compliments on working as a mother, but do not frame the conversation as if she is a "Super hero",  this can actually be quite be-belittling to women. As if a woman working with children is almost a near impossible task. For some women like me although I enjoyed teaching with a young infant at home, it was VERY hard and sometimes I was upset from sleep deprivation that would have occurred regardless if I worked or not due to my son;s challenges falling and staying asleep.

Another gentle reminder is, you have not authority to speak on her capabilities of doing her job as a mother. It is literally not relevant, and none of your business. If the artist mother is getting visibilly flustered by your questions about her family, stop. Post partum depression is a real thing, regardless of whether or not you believe in it, and unless your her mental health professional you should probably focus your conversation on the artistic topics at hand.

My advice to Artist Mothers is this: Do what you want, when you want! If you want to put a piece in an art show go for it! If you want to paint squiggly lines, do that too! You are not a failed career artist if you are only creating on a part time or casual basis, you are still an Artist. Celebrating the birth of my child in my paintings is one of the best things I never did for my life, and I am a better artist and art teacher now than I ever was.  Value your time! Just because you are working artist who happens to be a mother, does not mean your work has less economic value, nor should you work for less per hour just for some extra "side hustle" cash. Do not allow yourself to be exploited as an artist mother just to keep your C.V  relevant. 

And another thing, no shame in the side hustle. 0. Why? Cause a side hustle is still a hustle, and if you want to focus on pieces that have meaning to you instead of pieces that will sell well in a gallery, than so be it! Just create, and do not apologize to anyone for anything. Happy moms, are good moms, but so are un happy moms. This delusional message out there that stay at home moms who do not work are happier then working moms is not true. Every mother has her own abilities, and limits, work within yours, and keep creating no matter the mood or how often you have time. I like to think of my paintings as a visual journal of my emotional and mental development since I became a mother. It is private, and if I choose to share it so be it, if not, that is fine too. :)

​